remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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