we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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