garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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