I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
