why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize