its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
