im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
