Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
