I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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