so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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