So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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