a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize