Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
