Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
