that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
