Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
