You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
