It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
