FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
