I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
