Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
