home. puking in laundry basket.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
