i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
