i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
