Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize