The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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