No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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