You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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