I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
