the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
