Your face is a jimmy john
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
