My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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