forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
