So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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