I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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