I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
