he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
