My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
