I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
