I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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