My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
