She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You took a bar mat shot.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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