I'm really into asian looking animals
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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