i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
