Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize