I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have already put on my inside pants.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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