You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
