I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
