Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
