I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
