You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
