just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
