Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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