Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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