he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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