Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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