operation harelip BJ is a go
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize