he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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