I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
