and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
