You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize