I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In America we eat man semen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
