Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
