Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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