dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you would pick up someone in the library
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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