i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
