so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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