Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
