All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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