I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
