New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
