Don't make out with my wife yet
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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