Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
