I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
