Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
