Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
