And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
