I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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